Thread: Winter War humor

TRX
05/30/2014

Back in 1939 the Axis Powers began invading chunks of Europe, Africa, and the Near East. As part of its expansion, the Soviet Union decided to conquer Finland. The Red Army marched into Finland with overwhelming military superiority - three times as many soldiers, the latest modern equipment, and plenty of supplies. On paper, it should have been an easy victory. Instead... it became the "Winter War", with the Red Army humiliated by the Finns. Finally, a treaty was negotiated with Finland losing only part of its territory; the Soviets desperately needed those troops elsewhere, and the war with Finland was consuming vast amounts of men and material. Both sides declared a victory and the border was redrawn.

The Finns made heavy use of two things - submachine guns and snipers.

Most armies were either looking at getting some SMGs or had some already in service, but they were still set in the "don't waste ammunition" mindset that thought five rounds in a rifle was enough, and not only that, soldiers were expected to load and fire only one round at a time. The Finns had lots of Suomi SMGs, plenty of ammunition, and used them as "bullet hoses", pretty much like we do today.

The Finns also made extensive use of snipers. The most famous of those was Corporal Simo Heyha, who became known as "The White Death." Heyha racked up 505 official kills, the most of any sniper in history. He did that all in 100 days, before being shot and hospitalized until after the war was over. Heyha and his companions thoroughly demoralized the Soviet troops, who eventually got so jumpy they were calling in air strikes and artillery fire against anything they thought they saw in the woods.

The Soviet troops weren't quite as incompetent as some people make them out to be. But Stalin had executed most of the Red Army's experienced staff officers by then, and the new, politically-correct ones were learning on the job. Also, the Red Army was mostly conscripts with poor training. They learned on the job too, but there simply wasn't time for them to learn what they needed before the wider political situation forced Moscow to pull them out and send them south.

So, with all that in mind, we have a bit of humor handed down from the Red Army...

A large group of Russian soldiers in the border area in 1939 are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a small hill: "One Finnish soldier is better than ten Russians!"

The Russian commander quickly orders ten of his best men over the hill whereupon a gun battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.

The voice once again calls out: "One Finn is better than one hundred Russians!"

Furious, the Russian commander sends his next best hundred troops over the hill and instantly a huge gun fight commences.

After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.

The calm Finnish voice calls out again: "One Finn is better than one thousand Russians"

The enraged Russian commander musters a thousand soldiers and sends them to the other side of the hill. Rifle fire, machine guns, grenades, rockets and cannon fire ring out as a terrible battle is fought.... then silence again.

Eventually one badly wounded Russian soldier crawls back over the hill and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don't send any more men... it's a trap. There's two of them!"